CheeseKun, You Say The Darndest Things
by Roxius
Summary: Once again, Lelouch attempts to wow his friends with his "amazing" writing skills...but once again, his plan backfires on him. Once again, a crack fic by me. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

A/N: This is some weird shit, no?

* * *

It was a rather ordinary day at Ashford Academy. Lelouch was hard at work, studying for upcoming exams, while C.C. just laid around, read magazines and ate pizza without even so much as moving her fat ass off of Lelouch's bed even once.

At least...not until she had to take a shit.

"Uh...I'm gonna go take a shit," C.C. announced as she rushed out the door, clutching her stomach.

"Save some for me!!" Lelouch called, and then he looked back at his text book.

Everything was quiet for a few minutes, when suddenly, out of nowhere...Lelouch felt a pair of soft, fingerless arms place themselves on his shoulders.

'What the-?' Lelouch was about to say something, when a horrible, demonic voice began to speak.

**"...Your mother plays card games IN HELL..."** hissed the voice into his ear.

Lelouch stiffened. 'What the fuck does that mean...?' He began to slowly turn his head in the voice's direction.

**"If you look at me, you'll die..."** warned the voice.

Lelouch's eyes grew wide. His blood ran cold. The owner of the voice was yellow-

**"LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE TO DIE, BITCH!!!"**

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!!"

--

When C.C. returned to the bedroom, feeling quite refreshed, she was surprised to find Cheese-kun lying on the ground.

"Oh? How'd you end up here, Cheese-kun?" C.C. asked the inanimate doll as she scooped it up into her arms. Then, she noticed Lelouch, who was lying in a puddle of his own blood. His head had been twisted so violently that his neck was scrunched up and torn, almost like a piece of crumbled paper. His eyeballs were torn from their sockets, and his tongue had been ripped to shreds.

C.C. gasped, and then looked at Cheese-kun in horror. "CHEESE-KUN, WHO DID THIS TO LULU-CHAN?! TELL ME!!! YOU WERE HERE WHEN IT HAPPENED RIGHT?!!"

Cheese-kun said nothing. After all, it was just a doll.

Falling to her knees and throwing her head back, C.C. screamed, "WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!!!"

Suddenly, a large kitchen knife was thrust into her throat...by a sneering Cheese-kun. His eyes were wide open, and they glowed with a deadly red light. He twisted the knife, and blood spewed out of C.C.'s wound, staining her clothes in the process. Licking away a few droplets on his cheek, Cheese-kun cackled insanely as it tore the knife out of C.C.'s neck, and then shoved it into her forehead.

**"Even though you are immortal, I'll just keep killing you over and over until the pain becomes too much, and you'll have a mental breakdown!!!" **Cheese-kun proclaimed.

However, C.C. didn't seem fazed at all. "Is that all?"

**"...Eh?"**

C.C. placed a gentle hand upon Cheese-kun's head, and smiled. "Because...I'm going to do even worse things to you..."

Cheese-kun felt a powerful chill crawl up his non-existent spine, and he clenched his teeth tightly. **'This girl,'** he thought, **'She means what she says...'**

C.C.'s grip on Cheese-kun tightened, and a maniacal toothy grin spread out on her lips as she snarled, "So...WILL YOU JUST GIVE UP NOW, CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE-KUN?!!"

**"N...N...NEVER, YOU BITCH!!!" **Leaping back, Cheese-kun scampered out the door and down the hallway.

**"HA HA HA HA!!! IF I CAN'T KILL YOU, I'LL KILL EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS GODDAMN ACADEMY INSTEAD**!!!" Cheese-kun cackled, his voice growing fainter with every second.

Cursing under her breath, C.C. snatched a long shining katana she had kept under the bed (just in case) and ran after the evil plush doll...

* * *

"...That is such a crappy idea for a spin-off sequel," C.C. remarked after Lelouch told her and Suzaku of his idea.

Suzaku nodded. "I agree. I mean, Cheese-kun shouldn't be using a knife! He should be using a pizza cutter to kill his victims!! C'mon, Lulu...be realistic for once!!"

Lelouch whimpered slightly as he replied, "But...but...but I stayed up all night thinking and-"

"SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT FIT TO BE ON AMERICAN IDOL!! GET OUTTA HERE, YOU WHORE-BAG!!!" C.C. exclaimed.

Sobbing uncontrollably, Lelouch rushed out the room with his face in his hands...


End file.
